~ Conversations with Jack and Jill ~
by Linda L. Lockwood
Disclaimers: The two women in this ditty, may or may not bear a resembles to two women from a show that may or may not have aired on television. Thus, they may or may not belong to me.
Dedications: To my niece Ellie, for letting me bounce ideas off her and for bouncing a few back. To my brothers for inspiring Act 2. To Target for selling me the pants in Act 3.
Comments: Any feedback is welcome. firstname.lastname@example.org
Act 1: Morning
"Hello, Taylor Enterprises. Jacqueline Taylor speaking. May I help you?"
"Hey, Jack. It's Jill."
"Hey, Babe. What's up?"
"Your mother just called. She wants to know if it's alright for your brothers to come over and decorate the outside of the house."
"The boys? Hang Christmas lights? At my house? Those Three Stooges? Is she nuts?"
"Jack! She just wants to get into the Christmas spirit. Doris knows you don't want to do it, so she asked the boys."
"Fine, but when they start falling off the roof, I'm not calling 911. I may get the video camera but not 911."
"Ok, I'll tell Doris to go ahead. Also my sister wants to know if we want to have dinner with her tonight at Applebee's"
"Sounds good to me. Mmmmm?.wait a minute. Is she going to be drooling over that bartender like last time?"
"Most likely. Kelly thinks he's a hunk, hunk of burning love."
"I think I may be sick."
"I tried telling her that the waitress we had last time was soooo much better looking."
"Hey, you WERE checking out that waitress. I knew it. Why I oughta?"
"Cool your jets, Tiger. I'm just kidding."
"I love you, Tiger. Oh before I forget, Mom called."
"My, you have had a busy morning, haven't you? It's not even 10 am, yet."
"Tell me about it. I wasn't even in the office yet before the phone started ringing."
"You poor baby. Tell Jack everything. What did your mommy want this time?"
"Urm?.Jack, she wants us to come over for Christmas dinner."
"No way, Jose! Jill, your father hates me."
"No, he doesn't."
"Yes he does. Did you see that look he gave me when he was carving the ham? He was wishing it was me he was carving on."
"He did not."
"Yes, he did. He blames me for luring you over to the dark side. And he called me a smartass."
"Well you did say 'Join us on the dark side, Paul. We have cookies.' And you are a smartass, Jack."
"He started it."
"I can hear you pouting."
"A little, maybe. Jill, we've been together for five years. Besides, you're the one who made the first move. I seem to remember that you......"
"Ok, fine. But we'll go over there after dinner. That way your father will be in ham induced coma and we can visit with your mom. She LOVES me."
" Sounds good to me. Love you. See you at five. And if you behave yourself, I'll buy you a kiwi lemonade."
Act 2: Evening
"Finally, we're alone. Gimme some sugar, baby."
"Jack, we are not alone. The boys are still here."
"They're outside on the roof or the ground, depending on which idiot falls off."
"They're just having fun."
"Jill, Bobby pushed Joey off the roof to see if he'd bounce. Then Ricky fell off because he was watching your butt and not where he was stepping. Not that I blame him. You do have a world class butt. Oww! No hitting allowed."
"Behave yourself. You can be as much of a pig as your brothers."
"True, but I'm your piggy. Oink, oink."
"Lord, I'm so glad I was raised with sisters."
"Me too. You're such a girly-girl. So cuddly, sweet smelling girly-girl."
"Good lord, what now? Jack, go see what that was."
"Jill, Joey just fell off the roof again."
"Again? Is he alright?"
"Yea, he fell on something soft this time."
"Jack, there's nothing soft out there."
"Sure there is. He landed on Ricky."
"Joey was blinded when Ricky plugged in the lights. They put up way too many lights. I swear Joey has a sunburn."
"Jack, why don't you order a couple of pizzas?"
"Jill, we just ate."
"Not for us, silly. For the boys."
"What? I have to pay for pizzas I'm not going to be eating!"
"Yes. The boys are sure to be hungry."
"I'm sure they are. They're always hungry. But why do I have to pay for it?"
"Because you love them."
"LIES!! That's a vicious rumor."
"Be nice, Jack."
"Oh my god!!!"
"What is it this time?"
"A plane just landed in the front yard."
"Jack, get away from that window and order the pizzas."
Act 3: Nighty-nite
"Jill, where did you hide the remote?"
"It's right where you left it. On the bookcase."
"Why is it there?"
"You were hiding it from your brothers."
"Oh, yeah. They would never think of looking for it there. Books are evil. Why, they might learn something. Oh, the horror. But then if they knew these were girl on girl type, they'd be drooling all over them."
"Hey, you want to watch the news?"
"No. Jack what are you wearing?"
"What are you wearing?"
"My Xena shirt. Like I always do."
"No, Jack, I'm talking about your pants."
"Oh. My new pajama bottoms."
"Ok. They're camouflage with bananas on them."
"Ain't they great? Like, gorilla warfare. For that jungle warrior in you."
"If you say so, George. Just watch out for the trees."
"You so silly."
"Let's go to bed."
"Cool. Hey little girl, want to play Santa and the pretty girl? Have you been naughty or nice?"
"I've been a very nice girl this year."
"Crap. Santa just loves naughty girls."
"Oh, I can be as naughty as you like. Jack, turn off the lights and come to bed."
Ho, Ho, Ho.